Why?
by Sany13
Summary: In the blink of an eye one event can change everything. *Warning* Very Angsty


Disclaimer: Not mine.

A/N: Yeah, so this is a major warning in the angst area. It's probably the saddest thing I've written, and I have no idea where it came from but it screamed to be written.

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**Why?**

It had all happened so fast. One minute they were arguing, about what she couldn't remember, and the next they were all over each other. She had thought for sure that, that one night was all she was going to get. She thought for sure that the next day he would be avoiding her, or worse pretending it never happened and that she was crazy for even suggesting it.

However, reality had been completely different from what she had expected. The next morning he had gazed at her with such love in his eyes that she had been paralyzed to move. Then when he had leaned down and kissed her ever so softly that she almost thought she had dreamed it, until he pulled his head back and looked down at her with a tender smile on his lips. It was then she knew that what she had felt for him was returned in earnest.

That had been eight months ago now. Eight months where she had been happy, deliriously so; and now all she could think was that it wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that she had only gotten to experience those few fleeting months with him. Why was it that fate felt it had to punish her so much? First she suffered through her mother's murder and then she nearly lost her father to his own depression and his alcoholism. Was it really necessary to keep punishing her like this?

Taking in a jagged breath she tried to hold back a sob, only to have it come out more of a gurgle. She could feel nothing but pain as her mind tortured her with flashes of loving moments she had shared with him, as well as the not so loving moments. She felt cold. Disconnected. She wasn't sure how much longer she'd actually be able to take this, minutes? Hours? Days? She hoped that if there was any mercy left to be had in her life it would only last minutes, hours at the most. There was no way she'd be able to handle days; she would come out of it a hollow shell of her former self.

She felt a sharp sting against her cheeks as the cold February night air dried the tears streaming down them. She could see the little cloudy bursts of air rapidly puff out from between her slightly parted lips. Her fingers felt numb, along with the rest of her body, except for her chest. Her chest felt as if someone was slowly crushing it, applying more and more pressure with every breath she took. How could it have all gone so wrong?

She could hear sirens in the distance now, getting closer with every ticking second. They weren't coming fast enough. She knew it would be only a matter of minutes now before he was taken from her for the rest of her life. She wouldn't be able to hold him, love him, so many things she had wanted to experience with him was going to be taken away from her. It wasn't fair.

She felt another tear make its icy track down her cheek, another sob escape her throat in a gurgle as she tried to hold it in, and the pain in her chest intensify with the effort. She closed her eyes briefly in an attempt to stop the onslaught of emotions that were rushing through her.

When she had reopened them she looked at the face of the man she had loved more than any other man she had loved before in her life. Reaching out she gently ran her hand through his dark hair, carefully avoiding the gash above his right eye, softly running her fingers down his jaw line. Touching him now was the only thing she allowed herself to take comfort in, the fact that for the moment he was still there with her.

Finally the ambulances had arrived. She knew their need was urgent, and that their every intent was to save him, but she couldn't help but feel they were too late. Her hand slipped away from his as they pulled her away from him, causing her more pain then she cared to admit to anyone. That was when she had finally given into her growing need to close her eyes against everything that was happening to her. To them.

* * * * *

The constant scraping of shoes could be heard throughout the entire room. One... Two... Three... Four... Turn. One... Two... Three... Four... Turn. A steady beat that had the young teenage girl, sitting on the uncomfortable chair in the corner, tapping her fingers to. She felt just as worried, and frightened as the person in front of her. For the hundredth time she suppressed the urge to turn to her grandmother and ask her why? It wasn't like she could answer her question anyway. No one could, especially not the drunk man that had been driving the car that plowed into them, before hitting the traffic light, killing him on impact.

Taking yet another deep breath, she slowly let it out. She moved to get up but her grandmother's hand on her forearm stopped her. She looked at her questioningly. But at the older woman's shaking head she sat back down the two inches she had managed to lift out of her seat. Leaning back she stared at the ceiling instead of watching the pacing feet in front of her. She could feel her eyes filling with tears once again, but this time she let them flow, sniffling quietly.

She wasn't sure how long she sat there like that, or when it was that she had fallen asleep, or maybe she should say passed out from sheer emotional exhaustion, but she could no longer hear the rhythmic scuffing she heard before. Stretching she looked around the small room, half a dozen chairs were pushed up against the walls, the TV was on but muted, but there was no sign of either person that had been in there with her before.

Quickly walking out the door she searched the hallways for her companions. Seeing neither her mind came up with horrible reasons as to why they weren't there with her. Something bad must have happened. They wouldn't have just left her there by herself without a word. Just as her hysteria was reaching a critical point she saw her normally flamboyant grandmother walk towards her somberly.

"Oh God," she moaned. "They didn't make it did they?" She could already feel the tears brimming in her eyes. Her lungs struggled to pull in a breath.

Her grandmother rushed to her. Quickly enveloped her in a hug, and pulled her back into the small room they had spent the better part of the night in.

"Calm down kiddo. You need to breathe," the older woman said, rubbing her back comfortingly. "We haven't heard anything yet. As much as we hate it, these things take time."

She pulled out of the embrace violently. Staring into her grandmothers eyes she nearly screamed her response.

"These things take time! Gram they've been in there for five hours! Don't the doctors know how much agony we're going through not knowing anything? Don't they care?" At those words she crumpled to the floor.

"Don't they care?" she whimpered between sobs.

"Oh sweetie, they care. Trust me they care. They just want to make sure they have something to tell us before they come out here giving us false hope, or crushing it before they are even sure," the un-seemingly wise woman said, before taking her into her arms once again.

She wasn't even sure how or when her grandmother had sat next to her on the floor, but she was immensely grateful for the older woman's arms wrapped tightly around her, rocking them slightly. So caught up in the moment she almost didn't notice when the third member of the little group came in and collapsed into an empty chair.

They both looked up expectantly. Seeing the figure before them slump over, placing elbows on their knees, hands cradling their head, shoulders shaking slightly with silent sobs. Both women got up immediately, the older taking the right and the younger taking the left. Gently they both placed a hand on the quivering form in front of them.

* * * * *

The TV in the corner buzzed with some idiotic show that she wasn't really paying attention to. She was more concerned with the two people that had fallen asleep in the chairs beside her; one from crying, and the other from sheer emotional exhaustion and pacing at least 15 miles in the small room. She had never before seen either so distraught. She was more than a little out of her element. Give her parties, and Hollywood drama she'd dazzle them with the best of the best, but in this situation she found herself struggling.

She may come off as being in control when talking to her granddaughter, but in her mind she was just being what a grandmother should be then. If anyone else had come up to her and asked her how she was doing she was sure she would have struggled to answer them. Keeping things to herself, burying them deep, and pretending she was a flake was her way of dealing with serious situations.

She stared at the scene playing out on the television, not really seeing it but instead thinking of what their lives would be like if the doctor came in and brought them bad news. They would all grieve in their own ways, and eventually they would move on with their lives, never forgetting but hoping it would get easier with each passing day.

Moving her hand up to her cheek she wiped away the single tear that had fallen over her brimming bottom lid. It was no good to cry over something that hadn't happened yet, besides if either of her companions woke up and saw they would never let her live it down.

The body to her right stirred suddenly. Looking over she watched as her granddaughter adjusted herself into a more comfortable position, never waking for a second. She let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to her, it was just that this was the first time she had the chance to really think about what had happened that night.

The phone call from the police had been enough to get her heart racing. At first she thought it would be because her son had pulled one of his insanely stupid stunts yet again. You'd think after becoming so close with the police, working with them and practically living at that precinct for the better part of two years would have knocked some sense into him; or in the very least calmed him down some. However that was not the case, he was still the crazy, adventurous and stupid man he had been before, only now he justified his behavior as 'research'. He loved life too much to become an 'adult', then again she couldn't really talk could she?

Rubbing a hand across her tired eyes she let out a sigh. Like her granddaughter she couldn't understand why this had happened. They had been so happy, just discovering their true potential and the depth of their love. Why now of all times, did this have to happen? She had seen her son with so many women and he had never been as happy with all of them combined as he had been with her. They truly balanced each other out. She made him behave more like an adult and he in turned taught her to have fun despite the horrors that had happened in her life.

Sighing again, she leaned back in her chair, letting her head rest against the wall. Maybe if she rested her eyes for a few moments things would become clearer. Maybe these last few hours in this god forsaken room will have been a horrible dream, a result from one of her all night parties, and her only punishment would be a tremendous hangover.

* * * * *

The walk down the hall was the most torturous thing any of them had experienced. It felt like hours since the doctor had come to get them, explaining how delicate the situation had been in the OR. They stopped before an ICU room, looking in through the window at the unconscious body lying in the pristine white bed. There were wires running everywhere, lights flashing, the respirator pump rising and falling rhythmically.

The clearing of a throat interrupted their thoughts briefly.

"Ahem, I can let one of you go in for a little while, but just one. I'll leave the decision up to you who gets to go in," the doctor said, his voice gentle and sympathetic.

"There's no need to wait for us to make a decision doctor," the older of the three said. Looking towards her granddaughter for confirmation and seeing her nod she turned to the third member of their small group.

"You go. We'll make a few calls to let everyone know what is going on. I'm sure they'll want to know." Both women turned and walked towards an area where cell phone use wasn't punishable by death glares from head nurse Naomi.

* * * * *

She stood watching the last of the trio go into the small ICU room. Moving closer towards the small window used to observe patients in their care, the nurse peeked through the blinds that had been left open in the room. She could see the person unmoving laying in the bed, and the figure next to bed leaning over with their head in their hands, shoulders moving up and down as they silently cried.

No matter how many times she had seen families go through this sort of tragedy it still always managed to bring a tear to her eye. She guessed the day that it no longer did would be the day she would have to quit her job. Her heart would no longer be into it then. She reached up and brushed away the tear that threatened to spill over her eyelid.

She took in a quick breath as she could see movement in the bed. It was just a slight shifting of the body, an adjustment to become more comfortable. Actually she hadn't expected them to move at all this soon after the surgery and all the drugs that had been pumped into them. They truly had to have been a strong willed individual to overcome that already.

"Nurse Stella, just what do you think you are doing?" asked the doctor, causing said nurse to nearly jump out of her skin. Quickly turning she stared at the man in front of her, hand clasped to her chest, eyes as round as saucers. She opened her mouth to explain what she had been doing, but upon seeing his stern face she just sighed and walked back to her station.

Inside the room, a soft moan could be heard coming from the bed. The occupant was slowly waking out of their drugged haze. The figure beside the bed having jumped up the second after the moan had been heard, hand desperately reaching out to clasp the limp one lying on the bed.

* * * * *

Eyelids softly fluttered, desperately trying to open and shake off the hazy affects that the drugs had left behind. Mouth moving to say something, but only soft moans escaped the chapped lips.

Slowly as the fog began to lift, the memories from what had happened that night began to flood back: the light turning green. The battered red pickup crashing into them. The car flipping over. Screaming. Laying on the cold icy pavement. The sound of the ambulance in the distance. The cold feeling that nothing was going to be ok. Then finally everything going black.

Jerking upright in the bed, hands suddenly flew to grab the sheets. Throwing them off before the person that jumped from the chair beside the bed could stop it. Hands desperately pulled at the bandages covering the entire abdominal area. This couldn't be happening. It had to be some sort of horrible dream, a nightmare. That was the only explanation.

As the realization that this wasn't a dream, that there was no waking up from it, a feeling of emptiness closed in. Despair descended, and with it, racking sobs were pulled from the broken and tired body lying in the bed. Hands came up to cup the face tears were pouring from, shaky gasps barely muffled, and tears leaking through the sieve the cupped hands had created. A hand came to rest against the shaking back, gently rubbing up and down.

She turned in his arms, her fists beating against his chest.

"It's not fair," she gasped out between shaky breathes, the tears still flowing freely. "He didn't even get a chance to be born before he was taken from us!"

"I know," he responded, his own voice hoarse from the silent tears he shed with her.

"Why? Why does this keep happening? Why do the people I love keep getting taken from me? Why did Mason have to be taken before I had even gotten a chance to love him?" She looked at him, begging for answers she knew he couldn't give.

"I don't know," was all he could say as he pulled her into his arms. For once in his life he really didn't know what to say. The only thing he knew was that he had to hold onto what he had, the woman laying in the hospital bed, his daughter, and his crazy mother, and together they would all mourn the loss of the son, grandson, and brother they were never given the chance to know.

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_Reviews are appreciated :)_


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